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2022-11-15 16:55:25 By : Ms. Jing Lin

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If England reach the World T20 final – and it is an “if” almost as big as India if Mark Wood is unfit – they will have much to fear from resurgent Pakistan, who swept away New Zealand in the Sydney semi-final.

England have more bowlers than Pakistan, but Pakistan have better bowlers. The highest total that they have conceded in seven matches was the 160 which India scored in their opening game, and Pakistan have strengthened their attack since then.

There is also the beguiling narrative that England are very competent in World Cup qualifying matches but flop when it counts, although there were two honourable exceptions to this rule when England won the 20-over tournament in 2010 and the 50-over one in 2019; while Pakistan tend to veer from one extreme to the other, from hopeless to heroic.

This pattern was set in 1992, in the 50-over World Cup that was held in Australia when England topped the prolonged qualifying stage then fizzled out for want of puff. Pakistan, on the other hand, were on the verge of being knocked out after starting cold, until their captain Imran Khan – still in the news, for the wrong reason, after being shot and wounded in Pakistan – released their inner tiger.

In this tournament it was New Zealand’s makeshift wicketkeeper Devon Conway who unleashed Pakistan’s captain Babar Azam. He had made 39 runs in this entire tournament, as an opening batsman, when Trent Boult found his outside edge with the first ball that Babar faced as Pakistan began their chase of 153 to win.

And down it went. Conway started to move to his left, switched back to his right too late, and could not hold Babar’s edge with his outstretched glove. Pakistan’s captain was reprieved and rejuvenated, and New Zealand then missed two chances to run him out - Conway at fault again when Babar had scored 11 and misjudged a second run to third man, and when he was on 35 the bowler Ish Sodhi did not get back to his stumps to take Boult’s throw.

'You HAVE to take those at this level and in a semi!' ? New Zealand ALMOST had an early wicket as Babar edges it behind, but Conway fails to take the catch! #NZvPAK #T20WorldCup pic.twitter.com/fSNOKDEBos

Babar and his opening partner Mohammad Rizwan needed no more invitations to assemble a century stand, becoming the first pair to stage three century stands in T20 World Cups. Rizwan is the complete package as an opening batsman and wicketkeeper, unlike Conway.

But it was still Pakistan’s bowling which won this game. Their pace attack was so good that they cut off the boundaries in the six-over powerplay and limited New Zealand to only 39 for two. New Zealand’s batsmen thereafter could only play tip-and-run – scoring 21 twos in their 20 overs – until Daryl Mitchell struck a few big blows.

England have to be wary not only of Shaheen Afridi’s left-arm new-ball swing, and Haris Rauf’s pace (almost up with Wood’s) but their capacity to reverse-swing. Mohammad Wasim started this process in the 13th over, as early as that, and probably should have bowled more. 

It has been Wasim’s introduction that has strengthened Pakistan’s bowling since their opening game. They now have four skilled quick bowlers, and a fine wristspinner in Shadab Khan, so that their left-arm spinner Mohammad Nawaz has become a supplementary sixth bowler, having been mauled by India for 42 runs from his four overs in Pakistan’s opening game.

Gone was the Pakistan team which had lost to Zimbabwe in the qualifying round. Instead the tiger was re-born, pumped with self-belief under their revived captain. Babar had been coached by the former Australian great Matthew Hayden the day before this game and, his tyres pumped, batted beautifully until his team were almost home. 

New Zealand missed three catches – as many as they had dropped all tournament – as well as those two run-outs. Semi-finalists yet again, not the winners, but they had a weak link in Conway, not as a batsman but in that overlooked role of wicketkeeper. England cannot afford their counterpart Jos Buttler to have such a bad game.

For his 43-ball 57 and his share of an opening partnership of 105.

"We believe Allah is the creator," he says. "And he says to us: 'You work hard and you will get your reward.'"

Take a bow Shaheen Shah Afridi, Shadab Kahn for his fielding, Babar Azam, Mohammad Rizwan and Mohammad Haris. They made New Zealand, the tournament's best side to date, look old and one-dimensional. The debate about whether you pick your best wicketkeeper or try to turn a good batsman with fine catching hands into one continues. Had Conway held on to dismiss Babar for a golden duck, things would have been very different. Even if Pakistan had managed to win from that position, their captain's long -awaited renaissance would not have happened. The repercussions for the final could be significant. 

"You HAVE to take those at this level and in a semi!" ? New Zealand ALMOST had an early wicket as Babar edges it behind, but Conway fails to take the catch! #NZvPAK #T20WorldCup pic.twitter.com/fSNOKDEBos

Pakistan win by seven wickets. Shan Masood drives a single off the back foot through mid-on.

They've done it again. Lifted themselves off the floor to find their momentum late and storm through to the final. 

Pakistan will play England or Indi at the MCG on Sunday, after a seven-wicket victory with five balls to spare. 

Scores are tied as Southee starts with a short, loopy, slow wide. 

Santner starts with a dot ball and then elicits the mistake but Sodhi can't get his right hand under Haris' reverse sweep at short third man despite a headlong dive. They walk a single. 

Masood cuts a short one for a single, Haris does the same. Poor Santner then rags one through Masood's legside flick, ripping the ball between bat and pad, beats Conway and they run three byes.

Haris holes out off the final ball of the over, leaving Pakistan two to get off six. 

Mohammad Haris c Allen b Santner 30  Tope edges a sweep with two to get to short fine leg.  FOW 151/3

Haris steps away to give himself room to chisel a yorker through cover for four then, with big, brass balls takes on the 89mph bouncer by pulling it 25 rows back for six over long leg. 

Boult comes back for the last dance, maybe his last dance in international cricket as he enters the franchise-first stage of his late career but he may make his last hurrah at the 50-over World Cup next autumn. Haris skelps the low full toss through midwicket for two, has a swing and a miss at a slow bouncer and is then pinned by a good length ball that he tried to swish through midwicket. Big appeal but they have no reviews left and they jog a leg-bye. 

Boult bags Rizwan and kills the crowd's vibe. They can't bottle it from here ...

Rizwan c Phillips b Boult 57  Lengthy check to work out whether the full toss he slapped to cover was above waist-height but ultimately it was deemed legal. He was run out at the other end as well but we didn't need to check that once they decided the first mode was legit.  FOW 132/2

Santner drops Haris at backward point, hit on the wrist by a stinging cut shot off Southee. It came at him very quickly but another chance goes begging, nothing as near as costly as Conway's first-ball dropping of Babar. 

Haris ramps Southee for two and tucks a short one off his hip for a single. Rizwan clips a single through mid-on off the back foot and Haris takes the strike with a single off a slower ball, waiting for it to pitch before cuffing it round the corner with a twist of the right wrist. 

Back with spin at both ends. Haris steps away to leg and launches a drive over mid-off for two followed by a swept single. Rizwan tickles a sweep very fine for three then shares three singles to end the over, the kind that makes you known it's curtains for the bowling side who look utterly demoralised, outplayed and out-thought. 

NZ burn a review when Sodhi pins Haris on the reverse-sweep. Worth a punt but it pitched outside off. Haris stays on his feet to pat a single to cover. Rizwan then moves to his 23rd T20i half-century with a legside whisk off the back foot for a single. He closes his eyes, exhales and points both hands to the heavens. 

Mohammad Haris, Pakistan's boundary botherer, comes in at No3 and starts with a wristy cover drive for four having hung back in his crease, anticipating the yorker. 

Babar c Mitchell b Boult 53  Williamson turns to his best bowler who pulls the rabbit out of the hat for him. Full and across Babar who cleared his front leg and aimed for the long on boundary but didn't middle it and Mitchell walked to his left to catch it on his knees.  FOW 105/1

Just a stroll now for Pakistan. Rizwan is the complete package as a keeper/batsman, unlike Devon Conway. Babar Azam is back to his best, leading and personifying Pakistan's resurgence. England, if they reach the final, won't thank NZ for reprieving him.

A glimmer of hope for New Zealand as Sodhi gets a leg-break to dip, grip and rip past Rizwan's edge. But there's no Romeo y Julieta just for beating the edge and they take five singles from the other five deliveries, posting their third century partnership in T20 World Cups. 

The Kiwi brains trust plumps for Lockie Ferguson to resume after drinks and after a wide and giving up a couple of singles, he invites Babar to cut. One feels as if Captain Mainwaring to Private Pike applies to that decision. Babar cleaves it for four then brings up his fifty by whisking two between square leg and midwicket. 

Chance! But Boult's throw from point misses the non-striker's when Babar pushed his tip-and-run luck almost too far. Rizwan laps three fine with a dainty sweep, Babar pulls a short one for a single and, when given the strike back, plays a best in show back-cut for four. Sodhi has lost his length under the tension of the situation and the scale of the assault. 

Babar batted like a drain earlier in the series. But to paraphrase Howard Wilkinson, a Rolls Royce with an engine fault is still a Rolls Royce. 

At drinks Pakistan need 65 off 60.  

New Zealand are letting Pakistan coast here, perhaps hoping to lull them towards complacency. It's not working yet, though, as Azam takes two singles off Santner, square either side of the wicket, and Rizwan ro two twos and a single by virtue of a sweep, a heaved pull and a cut. 

Pakistan milk five singles off Sodhi as the leg-spinner opts for darts rather than flight. There are too many singles on offer and very little pressure being exerted by the field. NZ are in danger of letting Pakistan saunter to victory. 

Babar gorges on the slow left-armer's drag down, slapping a pull for four, having shared three singles. Despite the leg-before shout off the final ball that may have turned another bat's legs to jelly, Babar was alert enough to scamper a leg-bye before the unsuccessful DRS referral. 

New Zealand have let the tiger out of the bag alright and Pakistan's opening partnership is re-born. Babar Azam was dropped by Devon Conway when on nought and could have been run out when, on 11, he misjudged a second run to third man. Pakistan, now full of self-belief, steam to 55 without loss  in the powerplay and NZ, having missed those two chances, are rattled. 

Looked like an inside edge, but he didn't hit it. No bother for him, though as the ball would have vaulted leg stump. 

Williamson, who I think is too conservative a white-ball captain, sticks with pace for the last over of the Powerplay. With the game running away from them surely it was time to gamble with a spinner? But he goes for a second Ferguson over and though only eight coming off it represents a handbrake of sorts, Babar's top-edge for four still means Pakistan emerge from the Powerplay with only one fewer four than (9) NZ managed in their entire innings

Southee switches ends and decides for some godforsaken reason to go for length. Rizwan carts the first ball outside off through midwicket for four with a swish of the wrists then banjos the next one out of the same slot for four more. All his experience notwithstanding, Southee looks ragged and serves up a wide, then drops short and Babar collars a pull for four more. 'Zindabad! Pakistan!' echoes around the Sydney Cricket Ground. The atmosphere is electric. 

'For a New Zealander it's like playing in Karachi,' says Ian Smith.

Lockie Ferguson, now in white boots, replaces Southee. That glimpse turns into a full reveal, Babar plays a creamy, dreamy off drive off a 91mph one in the channel for four, then dabs the shorter one for two, taking on the throw. New Zealand are starting to look a little rattled as the can't stop another single to third man. Early doors, of course, but NZ look like they need a wicket. 

Glimpses of the old Babar majesty with a searing back-foot punch for four off Boult. Almost a cut shot but the bat was closer to the vertical than the horizontal. He chops a single into the offside and Rizwan reads Boult's slower ball and fiddles it very fine for four, beating fine leg who had been brought into the ring. 

Boult serves Rizwan one up in the slot and he scuffs a drive for two through cover then drops short, looking for the edge with one slanting across. Boult climbs into it and slashes it for four through point. Fifteen off the over. 

Tim Southee shares new ball duties. Adam Gilchrist says it was a tough chance for Conway who was naturally expecting Boult's inswinger and therefore had his weight transferred on to his left foot. 

Rizwan taps a single through mid-on and Southee ties the woefully out of form Babar up with three of the final four balls of the over, taking the pace off, swinging it and cutting it. At last Babar gets away from him with a whisk through midwicket off a good length ball. 

Just like Allen, Rizwan gets away off the first ball with the crispest of offside fours, punching it on the up off the back foot through cover. Unlike Allen, he doesn't get stuck on four, and flicks a single through square leg.

Then, just as Scyld said, below, the old adage always applies. Conway drops Babar behind the wicket, diving low to his right. Would have been a golden duck for the Pakistan captain who was a bit squared up and pushed instinctively at one that was never threatening off-stump. Thick edge, too. 

At halfway, who is going to win? It is a World Cup semi, and the T20 format, but I think the age-old adage will apply: catches win matches (and, as it is T20, let's say run-outs too).

Boundary hitting is so difficult that NZ relied on tip and run, especially Williamson. Will Pakistan's batsmen be prepared to do the same, and will NZ's fielders take their chances? They will likely win if they take all their catching and run-out opportunities. 

Hard yakka for New Zealand but the pitch is as dead as the spoken word. There's skid for the pacemen, orthodox then reverse swing and grip for those cutting and/or spinning the ball. NZ think they might have enough  ... if they do they'll owe Daryl Mitchell. 

Pakistan, so good in the field apart from the lapse at the non-striker's when Mitchell was short, have have rationed boundaries all morning and Shaheen Shah Afridi showed why so many of us think he's the best all-round bowler in world cricket with 4-0-24-2. 

Very good from Naseem at the start of the over. Neesham chisels out a yorker for two down the ground and takes a leg-bye off a very canny slow bouncer that catches  Neesham far too deep in his crease and groping for the yorker before he can adjust. Mitchell plinks a pull for a single. Shan Masood was stationed 20 yards further back but didn't respond to the cries of 'Catch!' After a leg-bye when Neesham can't get bat on the yorker, Mitchell cloths a pull off a slow ball for two and all they can glean off the last ball, another leg-stump yorker, is a bye as it scuttles through to the keeper standing back. 

Haris Rauf with the penultimate over. After a slow bouncer that Neesham has to wait for before swivelling and pulling for a single, Haris wangs one down at 90mph that hurries into the pads and they run a leg-bye. Neesham breaks the chains with that shot he plays so well, a legside whip off middle which he manages to send finer than you would expect from other batsmen, making it impossible to stop going for four. 

After Neesham drops a single into the covers, Mitchell brings up his fifty with two off a full toss, slugging it through midwicket. 

Good shot from Mitchell, picking the slower ball from Naseem and walloping it over cover for four. But he is forced to deal only in groundstrokes thereon, taking two singles and a two off the mix of yorkers and slow, short stuff that Naseem mastered in the CPL. Neesham swats a single through midwicket and jabs out a yorker to mid-off for another. 

Jimmy Neesham is greeted by yorkers on his arrival at the crease. He defends the first but takes three twos off the last balls of the over, poking the first out to the cover boundary rider, the second flicked to square leg and the third cannily tucked into the no man's land between midwicket and the man on the cow corner fence, forcing him to run 40 yards to field it. 

Williamson b Shaheen 46  The kid may not be at his best but he out-thought Williamson with a slower ball from round the wicket. The NZ captain opened his stance to try to ramp it on length but hadn't bargained for Shaheen ripping his fingers across an off-cutter and utterly doing him for pace, knocking back middle and leg. FOW 117/4

First bit of shabby fielding on an otherwise exemplary night from Pakistan. Haris Rauf, the culprit, fluffing the taking of a throw at the non-striker's end when Mitchell came back for two. Looked as if his hands were moving to whip off the bails before he had caught it and ended up in no man's land. Mitchell would have been short by a few inches. 

Mitchell racks up a prial of deuces, clothing a drive over mid-off that lands safely, digging out a yorker through mid-on and leaning back to chop two down to third when Haris Rauf tries a shorter one. 

Scyld's wish is Babar's command. Shaheen is brought back on, coming round the wicket, almost chiselling out Williamson with a devilish yorker but the Kiwi captain digs it out. The left-arm quick tries another, drops an inch short and Williamson whips it off his bootstraps for four. Lovely shot. Williamson drills a single to cover, Mitchell tucks one round the corner and the over ends with Williamson carting an attempted yorker off the toe of his bat wide of mid-on for a single. 

Williamson and Mitchell milk four singles off Shadab's first four deliveries then Mitchell skips down to smash the second six of the innings, a brutal but elegantly played lofted drive over long off. 

Did Pakistan err by bowling one too many overs of spin , that is the 14th by Shadab Khan, his fourth, that went for 10? As the ball started reversing in the 13th, why not go with pace?

Wasim, at full pelt, drops short and Williamson pounces, pulling hard off the top of off-stump for six, the first of the match. That flew over the longest boundary at square leg. The bowler takes the pace off, delivers a slow bouncer, that foxes Williamson and hits him on the thigh pad as he whirred his hands to try to flip it down to long leg. Pakistan think it might have feathered his glove on the way through and burn one of their reviews checking. Wasim, back at 93mph, bananas in an inswinger that would have been plumb but for a nick off the inside edge. It's reversing now which will be a boon for Trent Boult, too. 

Williamson c Rizwan b Wasim  They think it hit the glove bit I'm sure it didn't. 

Pakistan turn back to pace, calling Naseem up for a second over. The right-arm quick takes the pace off and forces Mitchell to wait for a bouncer and he can only swat it off his shoulders for a single. Williamson is give the same treatment and slaps a single through the offside but after a leg-bye, the NZ captain works two through midwicket and a single there with a wristy whip from outside off. 

Mitchell with those long, long levers we saw so much of at the start of the English summer, accelerates, first with a jammy thick-edge for four when essaying a cut stroke, a pair of twos larruped between midwicket and mid on and then a thumping drive over long on, having taken a step across and two down the pitch, for four. 

Amidst the excitement and the run out, I think it can be said that Pakistan have now assembled the best pace attack in this tournament or at any rate the equal of departed South Africa. 

Or make that: Pakistan have now assembled the best attack in this World Cup full stop. Their spinners cash in on what their seamers set up in the powerplay.

When the batting is easy, Kate Williamson is often superfluous - too slow - in a T20. When the going is tough, like now, he is NZ's main hope: and 145 would be par.

Nawaz, the slow left-armer, is Kryptonite to Kiwis. They take seven off his second over and then on come the drinks. All New Zealand can do is work the ball into gaps but the line of both spinners is too tight to belt down the ground or get under to slog sweep.

Of the 60 deliveries so far, only five have gone for boundaries.

Shadab rattles through his second over for the price of a mere three singles. Masood almost dismisses Mitchell for a duck with a shy from cover that whistled past the stumps as New Zealand stole a single. 

Spin at both ends. Phillips drives one straight back to Nawaz who snatches it off the ground and feigns to throw down the stumps at the non-striker's. I say feigns as he never let go of the ball but Williamson was well out of his ground. Maybe he meant to and had a dose of the yips. Never mind, though, as he bagged Phillips, NZ's middle-order destroyer, cheaply to crown a fine first over. 

Phillips c&b Nawaz 6  Bags him off the final ball of the over, he spoons it off the toe straight back up the pitch as he tried to work it to leg. Earlier in the over he had been gulled by the turn and bounce and knocked it back to the bowler when aiming ti midwicket but this one never hit the ground and Nawaz pouched it at ankle-height.  FOW 49/3

The run-out king is brought on to bowl. Phillips taps the first leg-break for a single, Williamson uses his feet to work one against the turn through the legside. Shadab tries the googly, drags it down too much and Phillips carves it for four behind point. But after six off the first three deliveries, Shadab ups his pace and ties Phillips down to three dot balls to get out of the over with his respectability in tact. 

Haris Rauf ratchets it up to 93 mph but, though fast, it's full and Conway has the room to free his arms and cream his drive over point for four. Shot of the day! Conway plays tip and run for a single to cover and Haris decides to greet Williamson with his well-disguised slower ball. The Kiwi captain waits for it and flicks it into the onside for a single. 

Conway then runs himself out. Looking at it a second time, it's ridiculous. Had he dived, he would have made his ground but he never left his feet. 

Conway run out 21  Shadab has made two stellar stops so far and now dismisses the dashing opener with a direct hit from mid-off that catches him short of his ground by an inch as he tried to steal the strike off the final ball of the Powerplay. He hit it to sweetly to take a single to the infield. Had he scuffed it, he would have had time but Shadab, with the David slingshot arm, is not a man to take on, especially when the ball sits up so kindly for him. FOW 38/2

Conway run out Direct hit from mid-off

Mohammad Wasim replaces Shaheen and the right-arm quick, a veritable bustler, opts for a shorter length and they take him for five singles and a two. No boundary, though, which is important. Seven off the over is an admirable return, the sticky pitch helping him with his cutters, forcing the batsman to do the work, imparting the power on their shots rather than harnessing the pace against its purveyor. One more over in the Powerplay. Keep them down to 40 and Pakistan will be chuffed.

Haris Rauf replaces Naseem. He follows Shaheen's example and goes for a fuller length. No swing, though, at least not yet. Williamson drives the first ball straight. Shadab makes a good diving parry to save two at mid-on off a shot that looked like four as it came off the bat with a meaty 'thwock'. Latecomers behind the bowler's arm delay play for a minute. I can hear Bumble in his Dales eyrie. 'Get on with the game.' Actually, it's men in green tracksuits and lanyards rather than supporters as Williamson blows his top at them, waving and shouting after working a single off his toes through square leg. 

Conway drives for a single through mid-off. Before the final ball of the over, unbelievably, there's more movement behind the bowler's arm. Rauf goes for slow big dipper and Williamson digs it out of the blockhole. No run. 

The ball is sticking in the pitch despite Shaheen's 82 mph pace, messing with Williamson's timing as he drives on the up and pops it up through cover for three rather than creaming it off the middle for four.

Conway uses his feet again to flap a single off his legs and Williamson chops one angled across the left-hander that doesn't swing back in down to third for a single. 

Naseem Shah, whose action gives me flashbacks to Dennis Keith Lillee, starts at 88mph, piching on middle and leaving the left-handed Conway as he pokes after it outside off stump. Smart start this by Naseem, altering his length to test Conway on the back foot with point and gully helping him yo start with three dot balls. But then he gets his length wrong and though the ball doesn't get up Conway latches on to a pull at box height and lamps it in front of square for four.

Naseem pushes his length further up, Conway tries to drop it into the pitch and pinch a single but the ball carroms back and trickles past leg stump. Boy, that was close. Conway danced back like a scalded cat to try to save his stumps. He hotfoots it again to the next ball, this time down the track to lump a drive over mid on for four more. Ungainly and not off the middle but brute force works in this game. 

It's a dog of a pitch for pace bowling.  

Afridi, straining for the big inswinger, pitches the first ball up in the slot. Hint of swing but not enough and Allen creams an on-drive for four. Big start. The next ball does swing, but not as much as Marais Erasmus thought. The third ball does the trick with hooping inswing from a truly world-class bowler as Allen walked across his stumps. Hectic start. Takes nerve to bowl so full on an old pitch. Shaheen is such a potent bowler.

Williamson flicks a single through the legside and Conway chops one past cover point. 

Allen lbw b Afridi 4  Pitched in line, would go on to hit middle and leg as Allen played down Piccadilly and the ball veered in down Bakerloo.  FOW 4/1

Allen lbw b Afridi 4  Pinned by another inswinger next ball. This time not via the bat. But was it angling down? 

Thick inside edge into his front pad. Marais Erasmus made a bad call there. Took a chunk out of the bat. 

Allen lbw b Afridi 4  Bat first? 

And the umpire calls play after the countdown ...

Despite the advantage of proximity, New Zealand fans are comfortably outnumbered by green-shirted Pakistan supporters at the SCG. Big queues still outside the ground at the start of the match. 

New Zealand  Finn Allen, Devon Conway (wk), Kane Williamson (capt), Glenn Phillips, Daryl Mitchell, Jimmy Neesham, Mitchell Santner, Tim Southee, Ish Sodhi, Lockie Ferguson, Trent Boult.

Pakistan Mohammad Rizwan (wk), Babar Azam (capt), Mohammad Haris, Shan Masood, Iftikhar Ahmed, Shadab Khan, Mohammad Nawaz, Mohammad Wasim, Naseem Shah, Haris Rauf, Shaheen Afridi.

Good morning and welcome to coverage of the first T20 World Cup semi-final from Sydney. The first news is from the toss which was won by New Zealand who have elected to bat first at the SCG. One suspects Kane Williamson has done what Babar Azam would have chosen to do, too, but given Pakistan always do things the hard way in global tournaments, from 1992 to 2009 and on the road to the Champions Trophy in 2017, it may well benefit them by starting as long-shot underdogs and from their least favoured position. 

Williamson said on deciding to take first hit that it is "a used pitch, devoid of grass and it is important that we adjust to the changing conditions". He says there's no point focusing on past encounters or what's gone before in this tournament. Their only thought is to "focus on this game and the conditions". Which is about s meaningless a piece of 'captain-speak' as you could hope for. 

Babar, who says his team is unchanged from the victory over Bangladesh that loosened the hinges on the door they later barged through when Netherlands beat South Africa, says only "we will play according to the situation [and] we will look to put pressure on them". Well. really. It's not their fault, of course, but anything pre-match these days is pure bilge. We may as well have them tell us what they've decided to do, read out the teams and skedaddle, rather than subjecting us and them to these cliches.

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